Days 6, 7, and 8

I'm back.

This is the official start of Week 2.

According to the timeline, days 7 and 8 should be days that I'm just tired.  And day 7 (yesterday) that was oh so true.  Today is too soon to tell, but I have a feeling that it will be the same.

Some random musings:

1.  I'm sick of vegetables.  Sick of them.  And that makes me sad because I actually love vegetables.  I have no idea how I'm going to keep this up if this aversion doesn't go away.

2.  After sitting down to do some thinking, I'm wondering if I'm blindly following this plan, restricting myself needlessly, when I should be asking more questions.  Some of the rationale makes sense.  Some of it seems pretty arbitrary.  I don't like arbitrary.

3.  I would really like to see this plan modified with guidelines for meal planning and portion control to make it a full-on ketogenic weight loss plan.  If I'm going to go to the trouble to be so restrictive, give me the tools to take it one step further and practically guarantee weight loss.

4.  This weekend was Father's Day weekend, and I would have loved to treat my husband to something special - a meal, a dessert, something.  Not being able to share a bottle of wine, or a special meal made the day feel completely ordinary.  I felt terrible, especially since we aren't doing gifts this year.

5.  I don't have cravings, and haven't had them, for which I am grateful.  It would be 1000x harder to do this if I did.

6.  My will to live is being sucked out of my body.  I find joy in meal preparation and dining.  Eating out or getting take out or just getting a frozen dinner to heat up at home is a convenience that I rely on when days get too hectic, and I can't do that.  And when I find myself explaining why, I hear how wacky some of these rules sound when I say them out loud to another person, and I have to ask myself "why? -- why am I doing this???  I don't even know if I'll lose any weight!"  Because, let's be honest here - I don't have any demons that I'm battling,  I feel the same, I don't have a sugar demon, and I'm not someone that has an unhealthy relationship with food.  At least I didn't.  Now, though, I find myself having to constantly think about food, and when I'm not thinking about it, I'm preparing it.  It's consuming my life, and I hate that.

That's all for now.  My strategy for this week and beyond is to rely a bit less on big portions of fat/protein to fill me up, and try to rely more on the non-starchy veggies to do that.  This will be a challenge because I'm so sick of vegetables, but I am determined to lose weight on this journey, and I think this is a necessary step.  I'm also going to be less heavy handed with the oils and ghee.  I've been using them a bit too liberally, and it's time to measure and use less.